Are you wondering how to get your boyfriend back?  What if he just wants to be friends?  Does that mean that that’s it, there’s no hope for romance?  Is he really serious about this statement and is this his way of saying “this is all we’ll ever be?”

If your boyfriend says he wants to be friends, it could mean that yes, that’s what you can be – for now.  It doesn’t really mean that all hope is lost.  If you still have strong feelings for him and want to know how to get your boyfriend back, then there’s still a chance.  After all, he wouldn’t want to be friends with you if he can’t stand being with you.

There are, however, a few things you need to watch out for and consider:

• If your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, it’s possible that he’s confused and would want to keep the options open.  He hasn’t completely closed the door on romance but for now, he’s made up his mind that this is what you should be.
• If you and your boyfriend only had a casual relationship and it didn’t work out, then it’s likely that he hasn’t found another girl t replace you yet.  It’s likely that he’s using you for the time being so watch out for this.  It might be best to stay away from him if this is what your intuition is telling you.
• If you and your boyfriend had a serious and long term relationship and he wants to be friends, then he might still want to mend things between you.  He may have realized that he made the mistake of giving you up.

On the other hand, you also need to keep in mind that for now, he made his decision.  No amount of begging or crying would change his mind so it’s best not to argue your way back into the relationship.  If you had a serious relationship, you don’t want to mess your chances of getting a second shot.

The thing is, if you’re not ready to be friends with him, then just say “no.”  You’ll only be hurting yourself if agree to be friends with him if you’re still emotional about the whole breakup.  Give yourself time to heal and bounce back.

How to get him back if he wants to be friends

The same rules apply to all breakups.  Now that he’s talking to you again, be sure that you don’t appear too eager or desperate.  He might take you for granted if he finds out that he can easily get you back anytime.

If you feel that you’re confident enough to be friends with him, then do so if you think this will help your chances of getting him back.  After all, now that he’s back in your life (even if he’s just a friend) you can still work your charms and make him fall for you again.

When it comes to how to get your boyfriend back if he wants to be friends, start by showing him the new and improved you.  He’ll be impressed if he sees the girl he once fell in love with to be a stronger and more confident person.  As friends, you and your ex will also have a chance to have a clean slate and start fresh.  Just take it slow and play it cool.

Cassie Callahan is a freelance writer who has been writing for quite a while now.  Although writing for various topics, she found her passion on writing about relationship especially on the topic of dating and getting an ex back at Ex Recovery System.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Social networking sites have greatly changed the way people socialize. Gone are the days when people have to actually meet to have fun. Gone are the days when socialization meant putting on your best dress, wearing your most fragrant perfume, and heading to the set meeting place.

Today, socialization is just a click of a mouse away. Now, it meant turning on your computer, logging in to Facebook, and chatting with your “friends.” These days, it can be done even in your own bedroom.

There’s really nothing wrong with these modified means of communication and socialization. Aside from it being a fun way to relieve oneself from stress, anxiety and depression, engaging in social networking sites is also effective in maintaining offline relationships.

It only becomes a concern when we greatly rely on this innovative form and forget that there is a real world, a tangible world, beyond what we now know as the virtual world. However, supporters of social networks would tell you that the advantages far outweigh the concerns. Proof to this is the number of accounts that has been created and continues to be created. Take Facebook as an example with more than 400 million active users.

Why so popular? It’s because of the features that help people improve their relationships. Even when friends or people in intimate relationships are thousands of miles away, they can still connect and maintain relationships by being active users of this platform.

There are so many things to talk about, learn from, and comment on. Here are a few of them.

Relationship Status

There is a reason why this feature is available. So that users can share something personal that is always an interesting source of conversation. Changing one’s relationship status from “In a relationship” to “Single” or from “Married” to “It’s complicated” always shakes things up in your profile. Comments would start pouring in and the “Like” button would be constantly clicked.

Use this feature wisely though. Set the relationship status most appropriate for you. If you are single, then by all means put single. Don’t ever put single if you are actually in a relationship or married. This may not only insult your partner, but also you can totally ruin your relationship by doing such. It is important to be truthful in this aspect so that you do not deceive people that know and care for you.

Comment and Like

One nice thing about Facebook is that there are many ways to show your appreciation about a friend’s post (message, video, or picture). One way is the “Like” feature. The thumbs-up button is there for you to aptly show how you liked your friend’s post. Click it so your friend would know that you are reading or looking at his/her post, and in that way, you maintain your connections with them in the online setting.

But if “liking” is not enough, post a comment. It could either be for or against the post but always do it in a nice way, a way that would not irritate your friend. Remember, it your friend’s wall. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Tag Away!

Facebook’s other unique feature is the ability to tag your friends in your photos and even in status updates. Tagging is connecting them to a certain post and notifying them about it.

Express how you miss your friends by tagging them. You can also do this to tell them how fun of a company they were during your lunch date or night out together. You can tag as many as 10 people in a single status update.

You can also tag your significant other in your most mushy photo. It’s a way of showing the world how your partner means to you. If that’s not enough, set the photo as your profile picture. This is one sweet way of showing your partner how special that moment was.

Hit the Chat Box

Chat with your friends in the most creative way by using funny smiley icons or Internet jargons.  You can appropriately show your emotions with the use of emoticons. Start a private conversation if you don’t want your thoughts posted on his/her profile. If you want to talk as a group, invite your friends in a group chat. This is such a great way of communicating with your friends without having to spend for expensive long distance charges.

Although nothing compares with one-on-one and actual meet ups, this platform is the best option you get especially for people miles apart. Other than for socialization, you get so much more considering that it’s free. Real-time news is just one of many. It’s really about how you make the best of it.

Author:  Ryan Rivera

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Time and again, we’ll hear coaches and peak performance experts speaking about the power of focus. This is often presented within a context of goal setting and personal achievement, as well it should be. But how does the power of focus help us get more out of our romantic relationships?

Whether we’d generally deem our relationship “good” or not, one thing is clear: successful relationships take consistent energy and a concerted effort.
I hesitate to call it “work” because of the associations with that word! However, it can and should be that type of fun, fulfilling and challenging-in-a-good-way work that people who love their vocations speak of.
In this way, relationships are indeed work–and they can be that best kind of work that makes us feel as if we’re living our truth, that we couldn’t imagine our lives any other way.

Relationships are a living thing.

Any human being of course has an essence they carry and inhabit their whole lives–some would call it their soul. And yet, that individual also changes and learns immense amounts over the years and decades.
An individual is the same and yet vastly different at twenty years of age as opposed to eighty years of age.
In much the same way, a happy eighty year old couple who met when they were twenty will tell you that the heart of their relationship has always remained, and yet the relationship has also changed and grown immensely over the years.
Clearly, what can be applied to individual growth can also be applied to growing a relationship.

For an individual, maintenance is not as inspiring as growth and achievement. Also, focusing on what you want, or the ways around a challenge, produce fulfillment and results.
It’s the same with relationships.
So, if you’ve identified that your relationship needs some rekindling, that there’s either a rut or maybe even pain and misunderstanding–you both need to ask yourselves what you’re focusing on.

An old story sheds light on the subject.

According to legend, there is a Native American parable called Two Wolves. You may have heard of it. If not, in summary, a grandfather is telling his grandchildren that there are two “wolves” that live inside your head. One wolf stands for benevolent qualities such as trust, kindness, compassion, and honesty. The other wolf stands for hurtful qualities such as jealousy, arrogance, dishonesty and anger. The wolves constantly vie for your attention.
The grandchildren ask the grandfather, “which wolf wins?” and he replies, “the one you feed.”

This story perfectly correlates to many couples who have hit some speed bumps.
One common complaint amongst romantic partners is that they get very irritated with one another. Suddenly, a seemingly insignificant comment, action, or even a glance sets off an argument. Almost everyone has been there.

What is this?

In many cases, it’s a matter of focus. It actually could be called a de-evolution of focus.
After being exposed to something for long enough, it becomes, of course, familiar.
How do we continue to appreciate that which has become familiar?

This conundrum has prompted much thought from philosophers and spiritual teachers over the millennia.
There are several ways to approach this. For now we’re going to stay focused on, well, focus.
Scientists have identified something in the human brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It plays a large role in what gets your attention and is a basic survival mechanism. After all, our ancestors who lived in the wild often had to narrow their attention very specifically in order to stay alive.

The Reticular Activating System still functions prominently in our brains today. With so much going on, especially in modern life, no person can give full attention to all things equally.
The RAS is the reason that once you buy a new car, you magically start seeing that same model of car “everywhere.” Your brain has gotten into a groove, a habit of noticing.
This system of attention does not just apply to the car you recently bought, or your primitive ancestors focusing on avoiding saber toothed tigers. What we must realize is that it also applies to emotions.

No matter how automatic your emotional response is to your partner’s idiosyncrasies, you must realize that you have a choice in your reaction.
Bear in mind, we’re not talking about things that your partner is doing to intentionally belittle or harm you.
That’s a different story for another post.

We’re talking about personality quirks. The cycle usually begins with you noticing something about your partner that is different.
Different from what you prefer. Different from the way you were raised. If you’re not careful, you assign it a meaning and start to notice it more and more (thanks to the good old RAS). The attendant emotional response grows with each time you notice it. This is the classic Pavlovian response.

Often, by the time you realize what’s going on, it’s become a cycle, a habit. And this is where all of your other personal development tools come into play. For any habit can be broken, and replaced with a new one.
Simple and oft-quoted as it is, this is a good time to reflect on the Golden Rule. We’re sure that you feel much better when others notice your strengths, and are forgiving of and compassionate about your weaknesses.

How do you want to be treated?

How would it feel to be celebrated like a king or queen for the positive things you inhabit? And how would it feel to have a gentle, supportive partner who can help you realize, grow from, and get past your less-than-perfect traits? We’re guessing pretty good, right? This is how you rekindle a relationship.
It’s up to both of you to make a commitment to having integrity with what you focus on/notice about your partner. The great thing is that yes, there is something in it for you. This is not to sound selfish. It’s to realistically address the mutual benefit.
You see, as you change your focus, not only will your partner feel alleviated, you’ll start to amplify the wonderful things you notice in your partner. In turn, your partner will literally become more attractive to you. You’ll use the RAS to your advantage.

We all know how new couples go through that honeymoon phase where the strengths in each other are seen and felt powerfully, while the less-than-desirable traits are minimized.
Or how new parents see their little infant as a perfect bundle of love.
Or, to stretch some of our cultural references, even how there has been much documentation of success and growing into love reported by those who had an arranged marriage.

Focus works any way you want it to. You just have to exercise the discipline to change the downward spiral into  an upward one. That initial momentum shift takes the most energy, but changing the direction of your focus pays off dividends.
Make lists if that’s your thing. Commit to telling each other something positive that you love about the other regularly. Celebrate even the smallest “victories” of the other. And soften your criticisms with a constructive mindset and an eye for the silver linings. There are plenty of techniques and ideas on this site, but to use them, it all begins with the commitment to change your focus.

—-

Sydney Coulier is an avid student and practitioner of personal development, interpersonal communication skills, and spirituality. Discover more about breathing new life into your relationships on the How To Rekindle A Relationship blog.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Top 3 Principles for Building Healthy Relationships on your Own

There are three main principles that underlie all progress in a healthy relationship: communication, listening and respect. Following these principles and making them a conscious part of your every day interactions will greatly improve your relationships with friends, family, coworkers and especially your marriage.

Communication
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. Poor communication habits can generate unnecessary anger, frustration and resentment within the relationship. Whereas effective communication can turn conflict into an opportunity to learn and discover more about your partner. Using tools such as paraphrasing and knowing when to walk away from an argument are helpful for resolving conflict when communication begins to falter or totally falls apart. One part of effective communication is being able to indicate your expectations. The second half of good communication in any relationship is the ability to listen and understand your partner’s point of view.

Listening
Often times people will insist that they are listening, when in fact, they are picking apart the argument and preparing what they are going to say next. Real listening requires empathy. Communicating well with your partner requires you to understand their perspective and listen attentively, not aggressively.  If you are actively listening, acknowledge their statements. Whether you agree or not, confirm that their ideas are clearly understood. Don’t become defensive or interrupt when you hear something you disagree with. Be patient and let the other person finish their sentence. You will have your turn in the spotlight, but give the other person a chance to be heard. This takes us to our third principle of building healthy relationships: respect.

Respect
There are many ways to show respect to a person. Depending on the circumstances, ages or even cultural background of people, the way you show respect can widely differ. In relationships, the principle of respect is always the same: if you wish to be respected, you must respect others, as well as yourself.  Setting personal boundaries is a very healthy process and shows that you are thoughtful when it comes to your personal conduct. Showing a high level of self respect demands respect from others but beware, the opposite is also true: if your partner has no self respect, you may find yourself slipping into poor habits of disrespecting them. Developing the concept that both you and your partner deserve respect, will make good communication and listening easier to accomplish.

Final Relationship Advice

Of course, reading about these principles and living them every day are very different battles. Relationships take time to improve and it may help to discuss these principles formally or capture them in a marriage covenant. If you can own these three principles and effectively apply them, you are on the path to building a healthy relationship!

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

When you are planning to advise on other’s relationship problems, don’t be too hypercritical. Every relationship is different and try to avoid using your relationship or personal experience as “the right way” to do things. Sharing your experience is helpful, but stay away from being too specific or hypercritical of the other relationship simply because it is different from yours. To advise others on their relationship, stick to principles not procedures. Try and give them a solid ground that allows them to build a more healthy relationship on their own. If you advise them with a “to-do” list of cookie-cutter steps to improving their relationship, you may be making the situation worse. Rather than advise them on what to do, give them some advice on how to approach the problem from a moral or principled standpoint. For example, if your friend is becoming jealous about his girlfriend’s Facebook usage, don’t tell him to “do this” or “check out that.” First of all, there may be good reason for the jealousy that you may not know about. Second, he’s not learning how to approach such problems himself in the future. Have a general discussion about jealousy and whether the Facebook account is really the issue. Help your friend identify the root cause of his frustration and advise him on that.

Listen Before You Advise Others

It’s hard, if not impossible to advise a person on their relationship problems if you don’t understand the issue. Listen carefully to the individual and wait until they have finished speaking until you offer relationship advice. It’s best to wait until you are prompted with them saying, “What do you think?” or ”What would you do?” Most people just want to be listened to (it helps compose your own ideas), not spoken to in a condescending manner. If you see a problem in a friend’s relationship, advise them carefully, but listen first.

Be Sensitive when Giving Relationship Advice

Because you are on the outside of the relationship looking it, it is sometimes easier to see the flaws and immediately point them out. When you’re commenting on other’s relationships, advise with caution. You may be discussing a very sensitive subject. Try and empathize with the person you are advising, put yourself in their position and offer generic advice that is beneficial to everyone.  Humor is a good tool to lighten the mood, but be careful not to lessen the importance of the topic with poorly placed jokes.

Give Helpful Relationship Advice

If you are going to advise others about their relationship, keep your comments honest and simple. Don’t over-complicate the issue or give relationship advice that you would disregard as unhelpful or wouldn’t apply if you were in their situation. Be genuine, sincere and communicate that you care for them. Always keep your advice positive. No matter how much you may dislike the other person in their relationship, avoid character assassinations or attacks on their personality. Your purpose is to help them create a more healthy relationship, not tear it apart.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

A long distance relationship is any relationship where the two partners are physically separated by a distance that makes it difficult for the couple to regularly see each other. Giving advice for long distance relationships is difficult because the circumstances for how the relationship developed are always different. Perhaps the two of you met while you were both vacationing and now you have returned to your respective home towns. Younger couples often experience long distance relationships simply because they do not have adequate transportation that allows them to see their partner. The distance itself may not even be that great. You may even be suffering the effects of a long distance relationship if you live with the person! You work, she works…Between work and the kids, it seems like you never see each other!

Regardless of how the long distance relationship came to be, there are some basic guidelines that can help establish or improve a healthy long distance relationship. The advice on long distance relationships here will help you identify ways to cope with the stress and anxiety from being in a distanced relationship as well as discussing generally how to make a long distance relationship work.

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Making a long distance relationship requires much more work than a relationship where the partners physically interact regularly. You communicate a lot with how you do things, when you do them and even how long it takes you to act. The way you interact with your friends and family affects your interpersonal relationships. The stress from your job or school when you return home brings a certain dynamic into your relationship. These behaviors are not as apparent in a long distance relationship. Therefore, in order to make a long distance relationship work, you must heighten and increase the effectiveness of the interactions you do have with your partner.

Setting Long Distance Relationship Expectations

Before conducting a long distance relationship or before it becomes too serious, you and your partner need to clearly identify and agree upon the parameters of the relationship. While it may seem difficult, asking questions such as, “Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship becomes more serious?” or “What are you looking to get out of the relationship?” will help set the tone and clearly identify the expectations of each partner. You can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by putting forward these expectations in advance. This discovery process is good for any healthy relationship, but is especially good advice for long distance relationships.

Communication in a Long Distance Relationship

Communicating with your partner is crucial in any healthy relationship and even more so in a long distance relationship. All couples that have participated will give this advice about long distance relationships: communication is the key. The early stages of the relationship are when you are discovering everything about your partner and revealing yourself to them. In long distance relationships the couple is not present to empirically observe the other’s behavior. Therefore, communication has a much more important role.

When you are in a serious relationship, you will communicate with that person quite frequently, perhaps every day. If you live with the person, you will inevitably communicate every day and for extended periods each day. Even though you are not physically present to communicate with your partner, does not mean you can’t develop effective communication habits in a long distance relationship.

With today’s technology communication across long distances is easier than ever. Smart phones, iPads, Skype and numerous other technologies allow us to write, talk and even see the person we are communicating with. Video technologies have brought video conferencing into the home and even to mobile devices. However, a word of advice on long distance relationships: beware of social media such as Twitter and Facebook. It is easy to become jealous when viewing your partner’s Facebook account and it this jealousy can threaten your relationship. Whether you prefer to write emails, chat on instant messenger, talk over the phone or video conference with your partner, it is good advice for long distance relationships to ensure there is regular, effective communication.

Share Everything

Just because you don’t see or talk to your long distance partner every day, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be up to speed on your daily activities. Sharing your routines and daily adventures is also a good way to keep your partner feeling close to home. But beware, constantly talking about the new guy at work or regularly Tweeting and updating your Facebook status about how much fun you’re having without your partner, could bring out social media jealousy. Some advice on long distance relationships: keep your partner close enough to feel included in your daily life, but keep enough distance between your other relationships so he doesn’t feel left out or become jealous.

Long Distance Commitment

Regardless of how far you are physically located from your partner, the commitment to a long-term relationship should always be close at hand. The couples that create healthy relationships understand that conflict and difficulties are a natural part of any relationship. Dealing with problems in a long distance relationship can be harder. Living with your partner allows you many different opportunities to connect, reassure, pick up an unfinished conversation and show physical affection. As long as both partners are committed to the progress of the relationship, working through these difficult times will often better the relationship in the long run.

Make the Most of Your Time Together

It doesn’t need to really be said, but since your time with your long distance partner is limited, you need to make the most of it. Also don’t forget, because you don’t see each other so often and may have important things to discuss that aren’t email worthy, there may be extra pressure or anxiety during these meetings. Don’t allow this pressure to overwhelm you, take over the time you have together and ruin the moment. Make plans beforehand and don’t take all of your time planning and thinking about what to do while you’re together. Ask your friends and family for ideas or advice about long term relationship activities. Give yourself the maximum amount of time to enjoy your partner and their company!

Planning for the future doesn’t just mean what movie you’re going to watch together next time he’s in town. Really plan your future. Talk about your career plans or whether or not the two of you want to eventually have children. You may even seek advice about long distance relationship plans from a counselor or life coach.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Discussing your expectations for your marriage with your partner before marrying is important and should be seen as a necessity. Addressing serious issues such as children, finances, friends and living arrangements before jumping into those situations can save a lot of time and headaches later. You and your partner won’t always agree on everything, but having an open line of communication will help you work through the differences, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Building up a habit of effective communication is the foundation for a healthy marriage later.

But what do you do if you find yourself saying, “I didn’t know he/she was like that” or “I didn’t think it was going to be like this,” after you’re already married? Don’t fear. Ultimately you and your partner have the same goal: to be happy. Find the common ground and move forward from there.

Avoid Conflict by Finding the Common Ground

Whether you and your partner formally discussed marriage beforehand and all the aspects of the commitment or not, chances are you married because you love the person and you find their qualities satisfactory enough to be labeled “lifetime partner.” While I acknowledge that some couples, especially young adults, get married out of necessity or for the wrong reasons, even they have found something in their partner that was worth committing to. It is this common ground, a commitment for each other, that is the germ of any healthy relationship. Start from the standpoint that the two of you are committed to each other; you are there to help and support each other’s growth. Behavioral differences can be discussed and changed if necessary in the long-term. Your goal is to establish an area within the relationship where the two of you can effectively work as a team. Once you find this place, setup camp and plan to be there a long time.

Types of Marriage Conflict

When you think of conflict, do you think of butting heads, car crashes and buildings going up in flames? Or do you see conflict as an opportunity? Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. Without conflict we can’t grow and without growth, we lose the zest for life. There are many different scenarios where conflict can arise between two people in a relationship. I have broken down conflict into three main categories:

• Behavioral, non-threatening
• Behavioral, threatening
• Outside influences

 Behavior that Doesn’t Threaten a Marriage

There are things that we wish we could change about our partner; the way they leave their clothes on the floor or don’t squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. While they may be extremely annoying, these things are more habitual and do not directly threaten the relationship in any serious way. How you approach this behavior and your method for resolving these simple problems is what’s important. Don’t ruin the relationship over toothpaste.

Behavior that Threatens a Marriage

There are some behaviors that are absolutely destructive to a marriage. Such behaviors include infidelity, criticism and blame, secrecy and lying. These behaviors attack the core beliefs and purpose of a marriage: the unification of two people that will facilitate mutual self-discovery and provide a life of meaningful fulfillment. When partners exhibit these types of behaviors, it is impossible to be truly committed at the same time. In order to maintain a healthy marriage, these behaviors must be addressed immediately, seeking counseling if necessary. Left alone, these behaviors will cause both partners to pull away from each other and eventually separate.

External Marriage Influences

Marriage is by far the most difficult relationship to perfect. It takes a lifetime to fully get to know your partner and even then, there are still things you can learn. The early stages of marriage are often the most difficult. Both partners are learning how to deal with each other and understand each other’s behavior, neuroses and habits. It is during this initial phase that you also learn what makes your partner happy, what sets them off and what are the most effective conflict resolution methods. Basically, this can be a very tumultuous period in the relationship. That may be why your partner is having a more than difficult time dealing with other pressures in life. Outside influences from friends, family and in-laws can be overwhelming and even cause conflict within the marriage, even though there is no direct conflict between the partners. Always remember, you and your partner are a team and you put each other first. As long as you live by that principle, outside forces are just that: outside. You have the ability to keep distance and even sever other relationships if that’s what’s necessary to sustain your marriage.

Final Relationship Advice

Going into a marriage can be accompanied by many fears. After all, you have decided to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with one person. This shouldn’t be frightening, but rather exciting! You have found the person that wants to be with you during all the difficulties, that has dedicated themselves to being your friend and trusting companion. You will inevitably face problems in your marriage, but they can be resolved if you take them in stride. Remember why you love your partner and I’m sure it will far outweigh their shortcomings. Don’t point fingers and place blame. Remember, as their spouse, it is your duty to make sure they get beyond their problems and can live a fuller, more meaningful life by your side.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Finding Common Activities

Some couples have trouble finding activities that they both like doing. “I like to travel and see the sights while he just wants to sit in the hotel room and play on his laptop.” “She doesn’t enjoy sports, but gets jealous when I go for a game with my friends.” These are just two of an infinite number of examples where couples can’t seem to enjoy activities or hobbies together. Some partners will even go as far as saying, “We have nothing in common.” That can’t be true, otherwise you never would have gotten married! Go back and find the things that brought the two of you together in the first place.

Your Marriage Wasn’t Always Boring

You haven’t always been bored with your marriage. Years of living with the same person can easily fall into routine and then into boredom with that routine. Go back to when you first met your partner and times were exciting! What did you both enjoy doing together? What did you talk about doing together once you were married? Maybe it’s time to live those long awaited dreams. Perhaps you simply need to get back into the habit of doing the simple things with each other. One of the easiest ways to bring excitement back into a marriage is to begin dating again. With your partner of course. Take the initiative and plan something for the future. When you make future plans, it builds up the excitement and ignites discussion about the activity!

Only One Partner is Bored with the Marriage

If you find that your marriage isn’t boring, but your husband is bored with the marriage, what do you do? The most obvious step is to inquire what would make his life more exciting. Perhaps it’s something as simple as giving him the freedom to invite his friends to the house once in a while. Maybe he’ll make a request that you would actually enjoy doing also. “You know honey, I wish we could just go to a museum or a play once in a while.” Whichever partner is bored with the marriage, it needs to be addressed immediately. Finding a solution isn’t always easy, and sometimes you may need to make a compromise to resolve the boredom.

Making a Compromise to End a Boring Marriage

If it is absolutely impossible for you to enjoy anything with your partner (which is hard to believe), you may have to make sacrifices in order to do the things that you also enjoy. If he wants you to go out and play billiards and have a couple beers, would it really be that torturing? While it may not be your passion, doesn’t it beat watching re-runs of CSI or watching property virgins purchase their first home? You get out of the house, you make your partner happy and you have ammunition for doing something you want. Making the compromise will show your partner that you are interested in their happiness and he will return the favor when you want to go see the newest werewolf meets vampire love trilogy. Who knows, in the process of making these compromises, you may actually find something you both enjoy doing. Try something new!

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

If you’ve ever reacted this way to such an unimportant subject, you’ve “lost your cool.” If you really analyze your behavior, it isn’t the small things that drove you to conversational suicide, they were simply the final excuse to go over the edge. Any mature adult can rationally and calmly address simple problems such as leaving the toilet seat up (or down, depending on who you ask), taking out the garbage or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Admittedly, when repeated over and over, they can be extremely annoying, but they shouldn’t carry enough weight to cause communication break-downs with your partner.

How the Conversation Breaks Down from the Beginning

When you explode at your partner for these seemingly insignificant reasons, you are projecting your frustration from a deeper and sometimes completely unrelated issue. Also, by beginning a conversation, or better stated “argument,” in this way, you have already taken the first wrong step in communication: misdirecting the intended recipient of your message. You have opened up an opportunity for your partner to make an  infinite number of assumptions about what you are really trying to say. “I know she’s not mad about the toothpaste, because she does that too. She’s still mad from what we talked about last night.” Rather than clearly stating what you are really frustrated about, you have steered the conversation down a negative path, doomed for failure. If your partner is of the extremely patient type, perhaps the conversation can be turned around and some resolution can be reached. However, you are setting the tone from the beginning and asking for retaliation.

Don’t Communicate While Angry or Frustrated

The first thing to understand about communicating while in an emotional state, is that you are probably not in a positive, creative state of mind and usually unable to communicate effectively. Anger clouds the mind and narrows your perspective, rather than broadening your ideas, allowing you to collaborate with your partner on a healthy resolution. Communicating while frustrated also increases the tendency to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, rather than composing a thoughtful idea, resulting in you saying something you will regret later. be overwhelmed and Healthy communication works by openly and truthfully engaging your partner with the expectation of cooperatively finding a resolution.

You are upset and you may have a good reason, but don’t allow your frustration to get in the way of your real goal: resolving the problem that is causing your frustration. If your partner continues to exhibit behavior that is frustrating to you, follow these steps to analyze and approach the problem in a healthy way:

1. Ask yourself, “Is this behavior really worth getting upset about?”
We all develop bad habits and the important thing to realize is, we can change those habits with a little help. Perhaps you are overreacting and your partner just needs a little encouragement to be better.

2. If the behavior is something that will cause problems in the relationship, it needs to be addressed immediately.
Avoiding conversation and letting the behavior continue will just cause you more anguish and finally push you over the edge, resulting in an explosion. Avoiding the problems is one of the 5 Common Relationship Mistakes. Approach your partner, communicate your frustration and how their behavior makes you feel. Ask what he/she thinks causes that behavior. You must be genuine with your questioning, not judgmental or condescending. Otherwise, your partner will feel you are taking an aggressive, authoritarian approach, rather than acting as a helpful companion.

3. Be consistent with reinforcing positive behavior.
After you discuss the problem with your partner, you need to realize that it will take some time to change the behavior. Serious behavioral problems often times developed over the entirety of the person’s life and can sometimes take years to change. Rather than chopping your partner down every time they don’t follow through, recognize their effort. Show your commitment to the relationship and encourage them to become better. Reinforce them with positive recognition.

Communication is an art, which means you must become an artist. Artists are patient, calm and take their time to master their work. The same is true in relationships. You must develop the patience to approach your frustration

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

1. Have Realistic Expectations

We all dream about having that perfect marriage or the Superman friend that always comes to our rescue. Unfortunately you live in reality and you must have realistic expectations. We all have flaws and sometimes people are going to disappoint you. It’s not that you have to lower your expectations, but healthy relationships are created when you are able to accept people as they are and play an active role in making them better!

2. Communication is the Key

 The only way to build healthy communication is to communicate! Talk with your partner regularly and let them know what bothers you, but verbally recognize their efforts and positive behavior also. A healthy relationship must be built upon a foundation of open and honest communication. Without it, you will find yourself falling into a habit of making assumptions and misinterpretation. A relationship that develops healthy communication habits will be long-lasting and sound.

3. Be Flexible, Emotionally

Sometimes you may get comfortable in your relationships and then things begin to change. As you get more involved with someone, you learn more about them. But what happens if you don’t like what you learn!? Be flexible and don’t have an emotional reaction. You need to realize that change is good! It is when our lives are changing that we become more interesting, we open ourselves up to different opportunities and become more dynamic individuals. Allow yourself to move with the current, but don’t let other influence you to change your core beliefs.

4. Put You First

There’s always one person in your life that’s the most important to you…YOU! Of course, if you can’t take care of yourself, how do you expect to be there for others? Take care of yourself before becoming responsible for others. Not only do you need to make sure you’re in the right state of mind to be a healthy partner, but you need to make sure that your needs are being met. Don’t sacrifice your requirments out of the desire to feel accepted or approved of. If you have to put your needs 2nd and you never feel like your requirements are being met, you’re not in a healthy relationship.

5. Be Dependable

 If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there. If you take on a responsibility, complete the task. Healthy relationships are built on trust and you must always deliver. You want someone you can depend on, so set the example. Once you lose the trust of your partner, what have you got left?

6. Show Your Warmth

It is important to show you care. Partners in healthy relationships will show that they can empathize and understand each other. Don’t be afraid to show your softer side.

7. Live A Balanced Life

In order to live a healthy life, you need to have healthy relationships and that means getting out! Don’t overload yourself on activities and neglect the things that are important for your long term goals, but take the opportunities that allow you to gain valuable life experiences. Share your experiences with others and be independent. You are in a relationship or even a marriage, but that doesn’t mean you should depend on your partner for everything.

8. Conflict is a Chance to Grow

Conflict is inevitable, even in healthy relationships. When you have conflict in your relationship, see it for what it really is: an opportunity to grow closer to your partner. Partners in a healthy relationship will take the conflict as an opportunity to resolve underlying issues or assumptions about each other. Here are some ways a healthy relationship would manage conflict:

• Approach the conflict formally. Arrange a time and place to discuss it.
• Don’t criticize the person, attack the problem.
• Don’t assume, let others speak for themselves.
• Apologize when you are wrong and admit your faults.
• Ask for help if you need it.
• Don’t hold grudges.
• Focus on solving the issue for both parties, not just yourself.

9. Have Patience

You look around see that everyone else is smiling and seems to be in a healthy relationship, except you. But underneath the exterior, most relationships have their difficulties. This is apparent in the skyrocketing divorce rate. From alter, to falter. Realize that building a healthy relationship is a process and it’s difficult. Human beings are complex and uncovering their neuroses and bad habits may sometimes take years. Once you learn how to develop healthy relationship habits, the longer you are with a person, the better the relationship becomes!

10. Be Yourself

Probably the most important aspect of any healthy relationship is to be yourself. It’s much easier, and more fun, to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else!

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.