Advice for Long Distance Relationships

What is a Long Distance Relationship?

A long distance relationship is any relationship where the two partners are physically separated by a distance that makes it difficult for the couple to regularly see each other. Giving advice for long distance relationships is difficult because the circumstances for how the relationship developed are always different. Perhaps the two of you met while you were both vacationing and now you have returned to your respective home towns. Younger couples often experience long distance relationships simply because they do not have adequate transportation that allows them to see their partner. The distance itself may not even be that great. You may even be suffering the effects of a long distance relationship if you live with the person! You work, she works…Between work and the kids, it seems like you never see each other!

Regardless of how the long distance relationship came to be, there are some basic guidelines that can help establish or improve a healthy long distance relationship. The advice on long distance relationships here will help you identify ways to cope with the stress and anxiety from being in a distanced relationship as well as discussing generally how to make a long distance relationship work.

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Making a long distance relationship requires much more work than a relationship where the partners physically interact regularly. You communicate a lot with how you do things, when you do them and even how long it takes you to act. The way you interact with your friends and family affects your interpersonal relationships. The stress from your job or school when you return home brings a certain dynamic into your relationship. These behaviors are not as apparent in a long distance relationship. Therefore, in order to make a long distance relationship work, you must heighten and increase the effectiveness of the interactions you do have with your partner.

Setting Long Distance Relationship Expectations

Before conducting a long distance relationship or before it becomes too serious, you and your partner need to clearly identify and agree upon the parameters of the relationship. While it may seem difficult, asking questions such as, “Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship becomes more serious?” or “What are you looking to get out of the relationship?” will help set the tone and clearly identify the expectations of each partner. You can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by putting forward these expectations in advance. This discovery process is good for any healthy relationship, but is especially good advice for long distance relationships.

Communication in a Long Distance Relationship

Communicating with your partner is crucial in any healthy relationship and even more so in a long distance relationship. All couples that have participated will give this advice about long distance relationships: communication is the key. The early stages of the relationship are when you are discovering everything about your partner and revealing yourself to them. In long distance relationships the couple is not present to empirically observe the other’s behavior. Therefore, communication has a much more important role.

When you are in a serious relationship, you will communicate with that person quite frequently, perhaps every day. If you live with the person, you will inevitably communicate every day and for extended periods each day. Even though you are not physically present to communicate with your partner, does not mean you can’t develop effective communication habits in a long distance relationship.

With today’s technology communication across long distances is easier than ever. Smart phones, iPads, Skype and numerous other technologies allow us to write, talk and even see the person we are communicating with. Video technologies have brought video conferencing into the home and even to mobile devices. However, a word of advice on long distance relationships: beware of social media such as Twitter and Facebook. It is easy to become jealous when viewing your partner’s Facebook account and it this jealousy can threaten your relationship. Whether you prefer to write emails, chat on instant messenger, talk over the phone or video conference with your partner, it is good advice for long distance relationships to ensure there is regular, effective communication.

Share Everything

Just because you don’t see or talk to your long distance partner every day, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be up to speed on your daily activities. Sharing your routines and daily adventures is also a good way to keep your partner feeling close to home. But beware, constantly talking about the new guy at work or regularly Tweeting and updating your Facebook status about how much fun you’re having without your partner, could bring out social media jealousy. Some advice on long distance relationships: keep your partner close enough to feel included in your daily life, but keep enough distance between your other relationships so he doesn’t feel left out or become jealous.

Long Distance Commitment

Regardless of how far you are physically located from your partner, the commitment to a long-term relationship should always be close at hand. The couples that create healthy relationships understand that conflict and difficulties are a natural part of any relationship. Dealing with problems in a long distance relationship can be harder. Living with your partner allows you many different opportunities to connect, reassure, pick up an unfinished conversation and show physical affection. As long as both partners are committed to the progress of the relationship, working through these difficult times will often better the relationship in the long run.

Make the Most of Your Time Together

It doesn’t need to really be said, but since your time with your long distance partner is limited, you need to make the most of it. Also don’t forget, because you don’t see each other so often and may have important things to discuss that aren’t email worthy, there may be extra pressure or anxiety during these meetings. Don’t allow this pressure to overwhelm you, take over the time you have together and ruin the moment. Make plans beforehand and don’t take all of your time planning and thinking about what to do while you’re together. Ask your friends and family for ideas or advice about long term relationship activities. Give yourself the maximum amount of time to enjoy your partner and their company!

Planning for the future doesn’t just mean what movie you’re going to watch together next time he’s in town. Really plan your future. Talk about your career plans or whether or not the two of you want to eventually have children. You may even seek advice about long distance relationship plans from a counselor or life coach.